Tonight is party night at B's house.. everyone is there, except me, of course. Bec and D are there. i think they are having a pretty good time, or at least, thats what Bec told me when i called. V is up, im less than thrilled about that.. i guessi just wish B was misrable.... in a way. or at least felt how i do.
Last time me and B talked (civily) we both admitted to the fact that we know we should be more than friends. we know we shouldnt be living our lives like this, but with all the things hes done before, i period of time without him could do some good.
I remember the last time we talked (rather uncivil), the night i gave B his present back, he was mad with the way i was acting, he asked me who i was texting and i told him the truth, i was texting M. not that it was his business, becuase its not like we were dating anyways, but im not going to lie to my friend.. and he said "He just wants to fuck you" and so i said "and hes going to do that via text message?!" then B said "You better lose your fucking attitude before i punch you in the fucking face" ... before you WHAT?!
the last thing i need is threats from my jealous ex boyfriend.

Confession: I am jealous of the fact that he has moved on. and that he is able to write about V the same way he has about me... and it contains the same amout of passion and lust.

I just miss the way things were. I miss having a best friend who would talk to me, understand me, and tell me how it was. when i was wrong, B would never be afraid to tell me. He would always pick me up after my falls. Brush me off urge me to try again. He wanted me to be happy. And thats what i wanted for him, and still do. I just wish he could be happy with me in his life... with nothing more as a friend. I just seem to want and need his friendship with each day that goes by. I hate that he makes me chose. Its him or M... M is my friend now too.
Would a real friend make me chose?
Why do i even forgive B?
Could i possilby still love him?