I guess forever means a day...

So i thought about it. it being everything. everything being the situation at hand, and figured im happy for B. or at least im going to suck it up and at least pretend to be happy. for his sake, but more so for mine.... untill he said this:

candace-jane; i guess forever means a day... says:
we are all going out for supper
b* says:
who is we all
candace-jane; i guess forever means a day... says:
me
candace-jane; i guess forever means a day... says:
and d*
candace-jane; i guess forever means a day... says:
and p*
candace-jane; i guess forever means a day... says:
and cvano*
candace-jane; i guess forever means a day... says:
and Bren*
candace-jane; i guess forever means a day... says:
and bec*
b* says:
awesome, i hope you choke

*- Changed full names!

I guess some things never EVER change.

It was M's birthday today! :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY M! LOVE YA!!!

And its D's birthday tomorrow! :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY D! I LOVE YOU, YOURE BEAUTIFUL.
we are all going out for supper, hence the conversation i had with B...

Went to D's after school today. We saw P and Bren (B and CvanO's newest roomie, and band mate) after school, since Bren moved here, he wanted to get into school, and hopfully he gets in to HVHS! :) So we made plans to hang out.
So me and D went back to D's house and chilled. M came home, gave him a birthday hug. We talked for a while about Ma(my mommy). He went out with his friends, and me and D went to Mcdonalds. P called and he met up with us. we went back to D's house, called CvanO and Bren, they came over and we all watched a movie.
On the way home (P drove me) me and P talked a lot. hes really awesome. we have gotten really tight, and really care about what he says, and what imput he has. We are becoming really good friends. Im so happy. :)
It was good to be with everyone again. No beef. :) <3.

Super nice convo!

nice convo today with "D"... calling me a slut and that i should go drunk more if i might be pregnant. i have a screen shop of it, and tried to load it, but its not working... its not big enough to read... i dont think it was her though.. but fuck.



Me-Sup sistaaa?
D-Get fucked untill you die
Me-Me?
D-No the other person in this conversation
Me-Um...
Me- ill do what i can, i guess.. why do you say that?
D-nobody likes you
D-you are a liar
D-and a slut
Me-Oh
D-go drink more when you might be pregnanat
D-slut





in other news...
I saw G (ex friend of B.. old friend of mine) today in the mall. it was so nice to see him.. hes the same, as always. i gave him a hug as soon as i saw him. the mall was closing and i didnt want to keep him, but we talked brifly about a lot of things. touched base, and decided that we should probablly hang out in the near furute.


Tonight was a night that ruled all nights. Family friends always rule. sitting around the bonfire, so drunk you dont even know what youre looking at, singing old country songs that made us cry during break ups... Last night of summer, and i wouldnt have it any other way... other than the most wonderful conversation I had when i got home.. Which might I add to, i am NOT pregnant. and am no longer late.
*heavens open and angels sing*
Now that Im dont with that, i can cut ALL ties with B, untill he decided to face the music..

But i guess once you realize you let one of the most promising things/people in your life go, you get a little [a lot] resentful... right B?

Old friends=good old times

Yeah. Love it. i had an old friend stop by. we watched a movie with my sister and talked. Why is it that man can be the best, and the worst listeners? My old friend, though, was an excellent listener. We talked about B mostly, and his ex as well. she kicked in the doors of his BMW. eeek. I told him that the way i feel is that im allowed to get over him and move on, but he isnt. it makes me jealous... or something. He smiled. touched my shoulder. as small as it seemed, it was so reasuring. like he understood. like somebody in this fucked up world understood. and it felt so good. so damn good that someone else other than B was there to listen. B always listened...
and now it seems, as things progress, i just listen to myself.

I miss M... seems like its been a while, even though it hasnt.
I cant wait for school to start again, more time with Bec and D.

Tonight is party night at B's house.. everyone is there, except me, of course. Bec and D are there. i think they are having a pretty good time, or at least, thats what Bec told me when i called. V is up, im less than thrilled about that.. i guessi just wish B was misrable.... in a way. or at least felt how i do.
Last time me and B talked (civily) we both admitted to the fact that we know we should be more than friends. we know we shouldnt be living our lives like this, but with all the things hes done before, i period of time without him could do some good.
I remember the last time we talked (rather uncivil), the night i gave B his present back, he was mad with the way i was acting, he asked me who i was texting and i told him the truth, i was texting M. not that it was his business, becuase its not like we were dating anyways, but im not going to lie to my friend.. and he said "He just wants to fuck you" and so i said "and hes going to do that via text message?!" then B said "You better lose your fucking attitude before i punch you in the fucking face" ... before you WHAT?!
the last thing i need is threats from my jealous ex boyfriend.

Confession: I am jealous of the fact that he has moved on. and that he is able to write about V the same way he has about me... and it contains the same amout of passion and lust.

I just miss the way things were. I miss having a best friend who would talk to me, understand me, and tell me how it was. when i was wrong, B would never be afraid to tell me. He would always pick me up after my falls. Brush me off urge me to try again. He wanted me to be happy. And thats what i wanted for him, and still do. I just wish he could be happy with me in his life... with nothing more as a friend. I just seem to want and need his friendship with each day that goes by. I hate that he makes me chose. Its him or M... M is my friend now too.
Would a real friend make me chose?
Why do i even forgive B?
Could i possilby still love him?