Its so easy to lose yourself in self obsession. Im obsessed with myself. I don't mean in a good way, either. Im always so worried about how thin I look, so much so that its capable of destroying my relationships... Its awful that on days when I don't feel so great, and I think I look like I have gained weight, I wont allow people to touch me, or to show any affection, its like my own subconscious punishment I give myself.
I don't care how much someone says "You don't have to lose weight", its the most frustrating statement I could possibly hear. They don't understand. I hardly do myself. I so caught up in it, I don't even understand it fully myself. I just long for people to comment (to them a simple statement, to me an ego altering exert) "gosh, you look thin!" and not because right now if someone reads this they will say that, but really genuinely mean it.


God I'd love that.